Category: Blog

Lately, our country has been hit by an onslaught of disasters. Devastating hurricanes, fires, tornadoes and earthquakes have left families homeless and without hope. The 24-7 media coverage almost forces you to relive the trauma daily.  While watching a crisis on the television is emotional and difficult, what happens when that crisis hits home…within your family?

Perhaps one of your adult-children gets unnecessarily pregnant, a family member gets arrested, or commits suicide.  How do the other family members cope with such crisis?  Someone once said that you are either heading into a crisis, you are in the middle of one, or you are coming out of one.  Crisis is part of the fabric of life and can turn a family unit upside down. It can be a devastating time for a family and requires family members to pull together.

Generally speaking, a Crisis is an unexpected event that impairs family strengths and weakens normal coping strategies. While each situation is different there are some general guidelines that can help you through those difficult days:

• Communication is absolutely necessary.  Be calm and communicate in a respectful manner to one another. Checking in with one another on a consistent basis is a good thing.
• Exercise healthy boundaries and do not allow yourself to take on other individual’s trauma, burden or feelings.
• Be still and gather your thoughts. Impulsive actions or reactions can sometimes exacerbate a situation.
• Put the crisis event into perspective and focus on the positive. However painful the crisis is, it is another stage in a journey, a new “normal”.  Pray for grace, acceptance and strength for each day.
• Utilize your support network.  Reach out to those who know you and truly care for your well-being. That could be a wise friend, a spiritual advisor or another family member.
• Be patient.  Take one second at a time, one minute at a time, and one day at a time.  As time moves on you tend to become more accepting of the new “normal”.
• Do not play the blame game.  This difficult season in your life is not the time to point fingers, it is a time of healing.  Blaming others will only isolate family members and thwart any positive communication that is needed.

A family crisis can erode relationships and alienate members; however, it can also be an opportunity for growth and a means to draw a family closer together.  How you mange through the crisis will determine your outcome.

This past week my husband and I enjoyed a trip to the Bay area. The cool weather was a welcome break from our typical hot summer in Colorado Springs.  The larger than life Eucalyptus and Redwood trees were breathtaking. The view of Alcatraz and the San Francisco coastline shrouded in fog from a Sailboat was magnificent.  Yet, the thing that impressed me about San Francisco was its lack of “color”.  I don’t mean that the landscape or buildings lack color…that would not be accurate. There are plenty graffiti-laden buildings downtown that display colorful, elegant graphics and communities like the Painted Ladies that are brilliantly colored. That is not what I mean when I say “color”.  San Francisco is a town of true diversity.  Within a few minutes of walking anywhere you will encounter Asians, Mexicans, African-Americans, Whites, and Indians.  On the Muni you rub shoulders with people from all over the world; Germans, Chinese, British, and more.  Finally, you see such a broad spectrum of diversity from heterosexual, homosexual, transgender and everything in between.  You have the rich and you have the poor. Within the “seven-by-seven mile square” of San Francisco, you have a true melting pot of humanity.

What impressed me is that all these disparate groups of people interact and co-exist without prejudice.  It is as if no one sees the “color” differences.  This was made apparent to me when I spoke with a local resident that mentioned they moved to the coast simply because they found that the more you moved East, the more “color” (diversity) became an issue and defining trait. I, too, have had a similar experience spending time on both the East Coast and in the South.  When people look first at “color” before they look at the person, there can only be disunity.  It immediately highlights that one thing that makes us different.  Why not begin with the very thing that makes us similar? Humanity.  Those things that we have in common far outweigh those things that differentiate us.

On any given day, I laugh with, smile at, speak to, and respond to all types of people. Whether it be a parent concerned about their child being bullied, a teacher in need of insight about a troubled student, or a Police Officer responding to a DHS call…these are just fellow humans “doing life” just like me.  Color of skin or economic condition have nothing to do with my interaction or how I view them.  The Rainbow flag historically has been a symbol of diversity.  Many colors, representing many diverse people, on one single flag.  However, it seems that it has strayed from its original meaning and has become just a symbol for the gay or lesbian community.  I think the flag should be recaptured to include a mindset of diversity that includes all colors and types of people; color of skin, nationality, economic condition, or beliefs.  Anywhere there is prejudice or division based on differences, the rainbow flag should be proudly displayed.